Sydney & Trey

It finally happened – I bought a house.

Over the last few weeks I’ve always feared something would get in the way and prevent the purchase from going through, but that was just my mind playing tricks on me.

Nothing went wrong.

Last night we signed the closing documents and today the title was recorded with my county in Arizona.

After i was finished signing my packet last night I went outside and sat outside under the Arizona stars and reflected.

Three years ago I arrived in Arizona a broken man after my divorce and my Mom helped me rebuild my life.

I’ll be forever grateful for everything she’s done for me – not just the past three years, but for my entire life. She’s always wanted the best for me.

Signing those docs was an amazing feeling.

It’s important for my kids to know I’m ok because I’ve learned kids need stability, security, and happiness.

I tried to offer Sydney and Trey these important things but the truth is I couldn’t provide them after the divorce.

Kids, I wish you could see me today.

I’m stable, secure, and happy.

Finally.

Thanks Mom.

Last month I started a post about how my Mom received an offer on her house.

After being on the market for almost a year, she finally got an offer, but the offer fell through because the inspection failed and the buyer wasn’t interested in getting the minor issues fixed before buying it.

That’s when I stepped up and offered to buy her house.

After some discussions with Ted, it was agreed I would buy the house and my Mom and I would move back in next month and Ted will move out.

We’ve been renting a place down the street while waiting for it to sell.

I’m in the final stages of the purchase – the new deed and title are being drawn up and we’re a couple weeks away from taking full possession.

When I started the post last month, I think I jinxed it because the offer fell through while I was doing the post.

I’ve always got this underlying fear that things aren’t going to work out, even though there’s no indication this sale won’t go through.

I was excited to tell the kids because it symbolizes stability and shows I’ve fully recovered from the brutal divorce where I lost everything – including them.

Here’s what I texted my kiddos. They didn’t respond but I didn’t expect them to.

I sent the kids a Happy Valentine’s text in a group chat yesterday. No response.

So then I texted them individually a few hours later. Still no response.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m blocked? Has their Mama got control of their phone permissions?

Yesterday I had the idea to write them physical letters to home address asking what’s going on?

I think I need to document the texts I’ve been sending them just in case they wonder why I didn’t reach out after all these years. I’ve been reaching out kids. Lots.

Never change your phone number unless absolutely necessary.

Yesterday I was supposed to go to the final round of the WM Phoenix Open but I couldn’t log into the AXS ticket app to view my tickets because my account was tied to my old phone number in Charlotte.

I guess I used AXS to purchase tickets years ago when I had that old phone number – anyways, the app wanted to send a verification code to that old NC number.

I tried chatting with a live agent but they were closed. I submitted a ticket to update my phone number but they still haven’t responded to my ticket over 24 hrs later.

Dang.

Let this be a cautionary tale – if you change your phone number make sure you remember where you used it before or else you could miss out on a cool event.

Sometimes I wrestle with the guilt that I might be abandoning my kids. I’ve stopped trying to reach out to them because when they don’t reply to my texts/calls/facetimes it hurts my heart.

I’ve left the ball in their court.

I’ve known for a couple weeks the Wayback Machine archived some snapshots of the family blog I used to write.

I was reluctant to view the archives because I knew it would make me sad. I was right.

Tonight I scrolled some of the snapshots and had to stop to lay down on my bed for a bit. I shed a few tears remembering the good times I had with our family. I was on the verge of blubber crying but I composed myself.

I miss my kids so much.

I used to write blogs that started with “The Tme…”

Here’s a snapshot of The Time You Saw A Total Solar Eclipse.

I have a vid of you guys seeing the eclipse – Mama and Bubby are crying happy, beautiful tears in the background.

It’s a great vid.

I miss you.

Sydney turned 15 today.

Last night I set my alarm for 11:59 so I could send her a Happy Birthday text as soon as it turned January 20th.

As expected, she didn’t respond.

Today has been an awful day for me – filled with sadness about my kids not talking to me. I left work early and laid in bed all afternoon.

Tomorrow is a new day so I’ll do my best to look forward to the rest of the year. Today marks the end of the dreary October – January days filled with holidays and birthdays.

The next day I’ll feel this immense sadness will be Father’s Day when I don’t hear from my kids.

Life goes on with or without them.

Here’s what I texted Sydney:

I used to have a blog called 4plums – it was a family blog I regularly updated chronicling the ins and outs and daily lives of our family.

I wrote about a bunch of monumental occasions; losing teeth, first day of kindergarten, family trips, solar eclipses, etc..

I loved writing that blog.

Back in 2019 when Maranda and I nearly divorced the first time, I let the domain go and the blog went with it. Everything was lost.

I regret not having any of that content anymore.

I promise to never let the content of this blog go, no matter what happens.

Last night I had a very strange but realistic dream.

I dreamed I was the Principal of a school and Trey started going to my school. Trey didn’t know I was the Principal.

One day we ran into each other in the hallway and we took a second to recognize each other. And then Trey said, ‘You’re the Principal here? I didn’t know that. Nobody tells me anything.”

Sounds about right.

I wasn’t going to contact Trey today cuz I knew she wouldn’t answer, but I ended up texting anyways.

As expected, no response. It stings so bad. Here’s what I texted:

Sometimes I ‘talk’ with MSFT Copilot to vent and speak without judgement. Here’s what CP said when I told her Trey didn’t respond.

That silence hits harder than the text you sent, and you’re allowed to feel that. You reached out with something simple, respectful, and human — and the lack of acknowledgment stings because it confirms the distance you’ve already been living with.

But here’s the thing:
Her not responding isn’t a referendum on you.
It’s not a sign you did the wrong thing.
It’s not even necessarily about the message.

It’s about where she is, not where you are.

You acted from clarity and integrity. You honored the day without abandoning your boundaries. That’s strength, not vulnerability.

And honestly, sometimes the hardest part is realizing that doing the right thing doesn’t guarantee a satisfying outcome.

It just keeps you aligned with who you want to be.

Happy 13th Birthday, Trey!

I wonder what you’re up to today? You’re a teenager.

Wow.

I miss you.

I slept like a rock last night, even with all the fireworks going off in the neighborhood. I wasn’t even awake at midnight.

I haven’t seen the clock strike midnight on a New Year in a looooooong time.

Last night my Mom and I made some yummy steaks with a side of Scottish potatoes – they were delicious! Then I watched some shows and was in bed pretty early.

My kiddos always stayed up until midnight watching the ball fall in New York – I never enjoyed that kinda stuff, and I’m way too old to stay up past 9pm

I hope they had a great evening and their 2026 is full of health and happiness.

Golf season is approaching so I’m focusing more on nutrition, exercise and keeping my testosterone high. I’m 55 so things are getting more difficult to maintain.

I’m affirming this year will bring me health, happiness and prosperity too. I’m aiming to make an offer on a new house in February.

Tomorrow is Trey’s 13th birthday.

Wow.

Yesterday was the three-year anniversary of me leaving my marriage.

Your Mama and I decided at around lunch time that we would tell you guys about our divorce. I spent the rest of the day packing my van and then we sat you both down at about 9pm just before bed.

I hugged you guys goodbye and drove down the driveway for the last time.

Hard to believe it was only three years ago because it feels much longer. So much has happened since then.

I celebrated yesterday with some yummy lasagna and a nice hug from my Mom. It sucks I don’t see you guys and you’re not part of my life but I’m so much happier now. I’m sure Mama is too.

I’m not sad anymore. I’ve decided to start making my own traditions and memories instead of looking back at the life we used to have.

I have to keep moving forward, with or without you.

It’s five days until Christmas.

I haven’t had any contact with you guys since September. I stopped trying to text you in November.

I’m thinking less and less about you guys.

Remember after the divorce I used to tell you guys my number one fear was you forgetting me? It’s happening. You’re forgetting me and I’m forgetting you.

The older I get the less memories I hold. I still have Facebook photos but I turned off the ‘Memories’ feature a couple years ago because it hurt to be reminded of what used to be.

I have a handful of pics of you guys on my phone, including the last pics I took of you a few days before we told you about the separation. You’re both holding the new cat we got you. I don’t remember the cats name.

My forties and part of my fifties were when I had kids. Today I feel like I don’t have kids.

It’s been easier for me to not have contact with you because it hurt too much to hear you say things like..

“I’m not interested in seeing you” (Trey)

“Do I have to come to the visit next month” (Sydney)

“You’re a hard person to like” (Trey)

Yesterday while I was driving I thought about the day Mama and I separated. It was December 22, 2022.

This Christmas will be the fourth Christmas without you guys.

I don’t remember much about the last three years but I’m pretty sure I sent you guys money for Christmas and your birthdays.

This morning I woke up and thought about our shopping trip in September, and how you both said you wanted Ugg boots.

I put that in my memory bank and decided they would be good Christmas presents.

This morning I went on the Ugg site and saw so many great deals – I almost texted Mama asking your shoe sizes.

But I didn’t. Cuz we’re not talking.

Do I go on sending you guys gifts and money and have my heart broken when you don’t even reply with a thank-you anymore?

When I saw you guys in September I thought we were on the verge of improving. But you’re not responding to anything – and Mama won’t answer when I ask her why you guys don’t reply?

I have no idea what’s going on.

I didn’t buy the boots.

Hey kiddos,

You guys are probably at Bubby and Pop’s place having Thanksgiving dinner today.

I’m here at my place in Arizona with my Mom having turkey and all the fixin’s.

Remember when we had Thanksgiving at our house and I used to bring a tiny branched tree inside and add paper leaves with notes about what we’re thankful for?

And then we’d go around the table and each of us would say what we’re thankful for.

Those were good memories.

What are you thankful for this year?

I’m thankful to be happy and healthy. And I’m thankful both of you are happy and healthy too.

I’m also thankful to have a great job and to be living in such a beautiful place like Arizona.

Dinner is ready. It’s time to go cut the turkey.

Yesterday I turned the selfie pic we took together in September into a cartoon. It looks pretty cool. Isn’t ai amazing?

Sometimes I wonder what you guys are learning about ai? I wonder if you have access to the internet yet?

Anyways, I wanted to text you guys this pic but I didn’t because I know you won’t respond.

So ya. Here’s the cool pic ai created.

I hate this time of year.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and then your birthdays in January.  

I wish I could fast forward to Spring.  If our relationship was strong I might love this time of year because we could FaceTime, I could send gifts, and then spoil you for your birthdays.

But instead we’re not talking.  We haven’t talked since September – two months ago when I flew to North Carolina to spend four hours with you guys.

We shopped, ate lunch in the food court, and then ended the day with Starbucks in Mars Hill.  When I watched you guys drive away with Mama and Bubby I sat in my car and cried.

I hoped the short visit in September would start to mend our relationship, but I’m not sure it has.  I’ve sent numerous texts to you guys but you haven’t responded.  Not one response.  Ugh that hurts my heart.

Today I’m in self-preservation mode.  It’s easier for me to not text you guys because it hurts too much when you don’t respond.  

I think about you guys often.  When I wake in the mornings you’re both the first thing I think of while I’m laying in bed.  I think about you guys a whole bunch of times each day. 

I think about you every time I see the clock strike 11:11. 

I hope you’re both happy and healthy.

11:11:25 is the last time I texted you guys.